My dear Easter Egg,

What a pity that the last time we took a photo together was when we were 12.

March 2003.

That was five years ago, in another school, and, to you, in another country, in an entirely different timeframe.

I am still stuck here, not exactly happy with where our - my - country is turning to, whining and complaining but still loving all the little flaws.

Bet you're having a great time there eh? Over here it isn't that bad, there are times when I feel lost, when I don't know myself anymore, when I've been living excessively behind the protective mask I wear every second.

Need to shed that angel mask, I know I have to, but I don't know how. And I don't have the courage to...




Remember this teddy? I know you do.

I can even imagine that unique voice of yours now, your tall height beside me, "Oh my God, I can't believe you still kept this!"

Yeah. I don't believe it either.

I have every reason to throw it away. For example, it's space-consuming. For example, it collects dust. For example, I have no use of it. For example, I'm too lazy to take care of it. For example...

I just mended it a few days before. It's left arm and arse.

As I sewed in and out I thought of how we spent our childhood together, how, that if we hadn't made that choice, we wouldn't meet each other, and our lives will be so, so very different right now.

We would not be able to meet the people we meet, see the things we see, think the way we think.

Life is simply amazing.

I have no reason to keep it. But I still do.

Because it contains all the childish memories we have together.

Happy belated birthday.

Love, Win Zee.

p/s Haunt me.

尹绮

好像是第一次用华语来部落格！
好紧张好紧张~
亲爱的部落格大概三岁了，也没用华语，除了自己的作文什么的。
(南极星好慢啊~还要一个一个字打)
嗯，既然是第一次，我就干脆介绍我自己好了。

我是张尹绮，在今年的9月26日，我就16岁了。对，老了，不用各自说悄悄话，我听到的。你迷信的话，我是不太漂亮的天平座，O型血。学校家庭背景什么我就不说了，因为那些并不有趣。
人家说我很爱扮可爱，也有人觉得我很自恋。嗯，其实，我觉得，还好。因为闷，所以才会扮可爱、照照镜子。
妈说我太懒惰。其实说我勤劳聪明的人，我总觉得那些只是客套话，亲戚朋友嘛，免不了。不过，我也不觉得我很懒。我只是个凭感觉的人。如果我喜欢，我会投入110%的心去做。讨厌的话，就什么都别说。
可能平时不太注意自己的感觉，也太顾虑别人的感觉，甚至把他们放在我之上。
在介绍自己的时候，我是完全诚实，不懂为什么。
我可以很迷糊，因为我不专心。发呆是我的专长，不过，很多时候，我应该不会飘太远吧…
我不太关心别人对我的意见，也不太关心我自己，所以我是个很凌乱的人。
我很幼稚，因为我不成熟。
我没有主见、做个选择须用上小时、也很龟毛。星座网页上说，龟毛的个性吸引男生噢。好怪。
我不想被认为很女性化，可是我很喜欢逛街、高跟鞋、化妆品、美美的衣服！所以，我想引用Avril Lavigne: I'm so girlie, it's not even funny.
她是我的偶像。她本人，不是她的音乐。她坚持不有婚前性行为，性格很爽朗、坚持自己的主见，也很有出淤泥而不染的自信。很欣赏她。
我很喜欢、很喜欢雨天。我也喜欢淋雨。因为我有一种被拥抱的感觉。对，头上那个heading是我想说的话。
我喜欢弹钢琴。很喜欢叮叮当当的声音。我想拉小提琴，吹笛子、萨克斯。嗯，古筝和中国笛子也可以。弹琴之余，我也喜欢制造“噪音”-唱歌！我可以在任何时候唱任何歌曲。我可以在开心的时候唱心碎的歌，也可以在伤心的时候听开心的歌。我可以在大庭广众唱歌，也可以一个人对唱情歌。我就是那么爱唱歌。
有什么尽管问吧。我有一段很不羞耻的梦-我妄想当个歌星！对，你没看错，不需要擦眼睛眼镜。张尹绮要当歌星，快来讨签名。
本小姐超爱林俊杰、大面饭先生(Damien Rice)和铁和红酒先生(Iron & Wine)。林俊杰有把很舒服的磁性声音；大面饭先生来自爱尔兰，声音音乐强劲有力；铁和红酒先生的声音像徐徐的海风，音乐像艳阳，很清新，超爱他。
(择偶条件我就不写了，哈哈！)
我很喜欢音乐剧，从《窈窕淑女》认识了奥黛丽(Audrey Hepburn)，虽然死了，但我还是认为她是世上最漂亮的女性，美过珍妮花(Jennifer Lopez)和安祖丽娜(Angelina Jolie)！从《Sound of Music》认识了茱丽·安得鲁斯(Julie Andrews)，认为她的歌喉没人能比得上！对，她们就是那么地棒！
我喜欢书本。不，不是厚厚无聊的课本。我喜欢进书店，尤其是二手书店。我喜欢薄皮的书，不喜欢厚皮的，不懂为什么。所以，我也喜欢写写东西，虽然都是不成熟的废话、投诉、幻想。我不是个抽象的人，所以我大多数都不明白诗和画。
我喜欢吃甜和咸，吃的食物要看起来至少看得顺眼。所以你可以说我用眼睛，才用嘴巴吃饭。
我不喜欢玫瑰花，喜欢茉莉太阳花。星星花也不错，英文名很可爱，叫作Baby's Breath，花语是永远的爱。浪漫吧？

Extracted from here

五月十七日

本来是要写给纽西兰的朋友，不过，我想，既然照片在你的生日的时候拍的，就写给你们两个不相识的人吧。

` ~ `

一直都很喜欢在下雨的晚上看着后巷发呆。它有一种很乡村的感觉，位置在吵杂城市里的乡村。路很小，只能容纳一辆摩托车或自行车，或者三四个人走一排。有时候，喜欢光脚走在路上，心情会变得很好，虽然会很怕踏到玻璃铁钉什么的。



1725的天空。那天，下了雨，这是在雨后拍的照片。本想拍下雨滴、雨的声音、雨的感觉，可是照相机没那么棒。所以，我只能用眼睛拍下，偷偷地在脑里寄给你们。收到吗？

那是后面屋子的天线，和乌黑的云和橙色的天空相对，有一种天堂的感觉。云的背后，宙思和他的太太是否在喝红酒、吃晚餐呢？


1726的天空。鸟儿，我想，都回家了吧。想给照片点生命，但总没有鸟儿飞过。有的话，也太快了，来不及按下快门。是注定的吗？嗯，说得有点太重。


天空的橙变淡了。可能神都吃饱了。有点粉红，宙思的太太的女朋友们都来谈天喝茶吧？


后面的屋子种了藤，一种很奇怪的藤。前几天藤全都枯萎了、干了！可是，我想，它们总有再绿的时候。

给：淑莹、永杰。都还好吗？

Extracted from here

Hey you,

She says you curse, using the ultimate rudeness of all bad words (or so I think). We are shocked. I remember that when you were still here, ‘suffering’, you were oh-so innocent; pure; angelic… anything in heaven is in you. Yes, you are that angelic. Okay, well, maybe a teeny weeny bit of evil and naughtiness, but that doesn’t matter, because it is those that make you human.

The few weeks - months before you left you were worried that you couldn’t make friends; couldn’t pass the exams; couldn’t stay alive. We assured you, no, you won’t. There are certainly people who want to befriend you, and you are smart. No, you won’t die there. That place is almost heavenly!

Well, you did make some friends (but all Asians; where are all the whites?!), pass your tests with really flying colours, since you’ve learned them here before, and started to work part-time by frying fries! Ah, she says because you want to ‘follow the trend, or you will be left out’. Oh, the life I have always dreamed of (besides the follow-the-trend part) (and I want to have a few white friends, that’s for sure).

Ah, yes, you’ve changed. A lot, we say. Your hairstyle and your fashion sense is still the same, but through all the photos you’ve taken and posted, you look more un-camera shy, and maybe more fun? We all couldn’t wait to see you again; we wonder if you’ve become a goth or a punk? And we laughed at that thought.

You already have the heavy accent, and all your “mother slang” was all gone. Yes, all gone. Can you imagine yourself, changed into someone brand new, in six months (more or less) time? We didn’t know what to say – except for her, since she’s the most adaptable among us. We even have difficulty choosing which language to talk to you.

In the end, I choose English, while the other girl, until now, is still deciding.

And, after two months of your leaving, she tells me, you curse. Ah, curses. I remember, months ago, last year, you detested people who curses, and maybe you even sworn to yourself that you will not curse, forever!

A year has gone by. You curse.

The level of innocence will, somehow, lowers, as you grow older.

Well, not like you’re a devil or something. I still love you for who you are.

Dear You,

You told me the night before that he likes you, in a way more than friends.

Congratulations, I said.

You might have thought I said it out of courtesy, because I felt like I did sound that way, but no. I am surprised, yes, because I've never expected things to take such a pleasant twist.

I am, in fact, genuinely happy for you, and the fact that I feel this way surprises me as well, because I thought I would behave indifferent towards anything that is happening around me.

And everytime I think of you and him, it never fails to bring a small smile on my face. I bet it tastes sweeter than the vanilla latte I spent on you, eh?

I tried to imagine the way he said the words to you, because often they sound awkwardly ordinary. Of course, I did not ask you, because I've forgotten to.

Haha.

I tried to imagine the moment you told me the news. You warned me beforehand not to tease you.

I wonder, were you surprised that I did not react the way you expected me to? Did it take you time to tell me? Were you nervous? Was I the first to know?

While previously I could've simple guess the answers to my queries correctly (your reactions are quite predictable), this time I was unable to do so, because we had been leading distinct lives since the beginning of this year. The portion of moments shared together gets smaller. I don't know how much you've changed.

Lucky you, girl, that you've found your him. It must've taken lots of efforts and sheer luck to thread the two of you together over the distant of the Pacific. I know you'll appreciate him, I hope he will, too. Whatever that happens next, I just wish you the best of luck, because a happy ending is still too soon to be said.

Just, please, don't end up on the bed when you two finally meet, yeah?

I kid! :P

30/8/08
Sat

*

This letter does come off a little too early, I'll say X( But I can't stop the brain juice!

Congrats, very sincerely.

Dear Mr. A,

You sit quietly at your seat, staring at an unseen space, deep in your thoughts.

You told me things, things that does not really matter to me, that I do not need to know. And it is only a day later that I wonder, why did you tell me? I am quite sure, though, that besides the matter of trust, you are just being yourself.

Or perhaps, I am not the only one who knows them?

Is that your usual façade? Or is that really you? You do not seem happy or satisfied with your current situation. Sorry, if I jump to conclusion.

You said the reason you asked me those questions is so to know me better. It might have been asked out of curiosity, or just pure fun. I do not think you really know me. While I fool around like an overgrown kid, you do not know me.

I do not tell you things, things like what you tell me.

You might not be interested anyway.

You are quiet today, even though you still walk around the class, you are quiet.

I noticed, that there are days when you are the person we know, or recognized; and there are times when you keep to yourself, while nobody notices.

Funny, how people do not notice, when you are usually the one who leads to liven up the class.

You said the world is unfair. I know, I really do; we all do. It is just that when you are stuck in a situation like this, you cannot afford to be pessimistic.

So I told you to cheer up, to not be envious of others, to make best of what you have.

I do not think you absorb them; I believe you might have even think of these words as mere clichés.

I do not bother.

I just wish you are happy.

I wonder, what were you thinking, then?

22/7/08
Tues